


Please Don’t Look Through The Curtains

by Emperor_Quarter



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Big5 are BFFs, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Gaku can’t accept they just want to be friends, Gakuhou’s A+ Parenting, Gakushuu/Ren Slow Burn, Gen, Give Gaku a hug, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, They care dangit, Trigger Warnings, its getting dark-ish
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-04-19 21:39:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 16,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14246304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emperor_Quarter/pseuds/Emperor_Quarter
Summary: They all knew Gakushuu’s home life wasn’t great, but this was too far.Seo, Araki, Koyama, and Ren see something they really shouldn’t, but all for one, one for all, right? The Five Virtuosos aren’t going to let this happen, especially when Gakushuu’s scars are a little too visible this time.**Rewrite will begin after New Years**





	1. Everyone Thinks That We’re Perfect

_Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick._

Ren chews his lip as he stares at the clock. The time is going every so slowly, tauntingly. 

_Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick._

Araki tries to give him a smile, but Ren’s eyes are fastened on the clock. He could only direct them away to stare at the cafeteria doors once in a while.

_Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick._

His nerves are growing with every passing second, worry rising. 

12:39.

And Gakushuu still hasn’t shown up.

Seo, Araki, and Koyama are staring at the clock as well, he can tell out of the corner of his eye. He breathes steadily, trying to keep his calm.

Gakushuu is never late, he’s so sharp and punctual he scolds himself for being a _second_  late. Now, he’s 39 minutes late.

That’s never happened. Gakushuu has never been late to lunch before.

Ren grips his lunch tray tightly, a mess of thoughts running through his head. What if something happened? What if the Chairman… Ren pushed the thought away angrily. How could Gakushuu live with that kind of man?! He would report to authorities immediately! How could he…

“ _Because he’s right,” Gakushuu answered, when Ren has asked that question long ago. “One of his students died from suicide, because he was too nice to his bully. He couldn’t fight back.”_

His fists clenched, eyes squeezed shut. Araki rested his hand on Ren’s shoulder, and he opened his eyes. Koyama’s hands were twitching, he could barely sit still, and Seo’s fingers scraped against the table silently, eyes glued to the cafeteria doors.

They were all just as worried.

Maybe he was just overreacting. Maybe Gakushuu was fine, just caught up in some work or maybe he was tutoring someone like he’s done before. He was probably fine, just helping someone with their homework. It was fine.

”Hello, um, I d-didn’t mean to interrupt you or anything, um, have any of you seen Asano-kun? He was supposed to help me during lunch,” a girl stuttered, blushing wildly. Ren noted her from C-Class, but then the words settled in.

”You mean he wasn’t tutoring anyone?”

”Um... no, I-I haven’t seen him.” She looked thoroughly confused. “I thought he’d be here with you?”

He’s not here... how is he just _gone?_ He’s _Gakushuu,_ someone had to notice him, he can’t just disappear.

Ren inhaled deeply, before standing up. The others’ eyes shot up. No words were exchanged, though the hesitancy was clear, they stood up with him and nodded.

All agreed that there was no way Gakushuu was just late.

He couldn’t be. Ren closed his eyes and breathed, controlling his speedily fluctuating emotions. He wasn’t quite sure what to feel at the moment. Trying to steady himself, he began to move towards the doors. He couldn’t seem to think, his gut was reeling and he couldn’t focus. _You’re worrying over nothing, calm down._ He shook his head and continued.

One of the cafeteria workers tried to stop them from going out, but she was trembling as she recognized four of the Five Virtuosos in front of her. “We’re just looking for Asano-kun,” Ren whispered, “he’s the most punctual person in the universe, don’t you find it strange he’s not here?” The lady shakily moved away from the door, and the four nodded before leaving.

* * *

Ren’s eyes darted around the boy’s bathroom, checking it. There way no way Gakushuu would be here, he wasn’t one to hide away in a bathroom stall wallowing in misery. Nevertheless, he checked each one just in case. Nothing. _Where are you?_ He thought silently, staring at the rows upon rows of lockers. 

There was still a little voice nagging at him to calm the _hell_ down, he had no right to be nosying in other people’s business, and that Gakushuu was just fine, let him be. He tried to listen to it, really, but he worried for his friend to much.

Gakushuu always was tearing himself apart to try and be perfect, and Ren couldn’t trust him to be alone for a second. 

_“Hey, you look stressed, are you alright?” Ren asked him._

_The strawberry blonde looked at him carefully, deciding whether it was safe to tell. Ren always felt like he’d throw up, Gakushuu never trusted him. “Father gave me two more hours to study.”_

_Gave. More like forced. “And you’re cutting back on sleep why?” Ren said bitterly. Gakushuu gave him a slightly surprised look, and Ren sighed. “I know you will never believe me, but I just want to help. I’m concerned, Asano. I know you’ll never tell me everything but I just want you to be okay.”_

_”I need to study more. E-Class keeps...beating us and I can’t accept that.” No. The_ Principal _can’t accept it. “I need to study more. I already dropped out of soccer.”_

_”But Gakushuu, you love soccer. It’s the only thing you do enjoy anymore, he can’t take that away. It’s like taking away the milk from a kitten and forcing to make it eat dry food.”_

_”Well maybe the kitten should learn that it’s best for it. It can’t be dependent on cream forever. And don’t call me by my first name, we aren’t friends.”_

He was always concerned after that, but Gakushuu—Asano—never would let him in. He had this gigantic wall around himself, larger than the Great Wall Of China, and no one was allowed in. No one could have access to who Gakushuu really was.

But Ren didn’t need a door, he’d already found a window.

* * *

 His phone beeped, and he pulled it out. Seo was texting him.

 

 

_News room, get over here now._

 

Something snapped in him as he raced towards said room.

He just had to make sure Gakushuu was okay, his stomach was doing multiple flips and his gut was screaming at him. 

_“Asano-kun, what’s that on your neck?” Araki asked, pointing to a visible mottle of purple just on the collarbone. “Did you finally get a girlfriend?”_

_Gakushuu immediately readjusted his shirt to cover it. “Nothing, just an incident in karate. None of your concern.”_

Ren tried to breath. _Just be okay._ He opened the door hurriedly, and the others looked at him. “What is it?” He asked, panic rising in his throat as his mind conjured up images like a fortune-teller in her glass—no, now isn’t the time for flowery language. He tried to calm himself down, but the worried looks everyone was giving him was not good.

Araki cleared his throat. “We uh, couldn’t find him anywhere so we checked the security feed...”

”You mean you hacked into it,” Ren sighed, holding his forehead. They were geniuses, but sometimes could be really stupid.

” _Checked,_ ” Araki insisted. “But you should have a look.” Everyone moves away from the screen, and Ren slowly moves towards it. 

“It’s the security camera in the Principal’s office,” Seo said bitterly, “we’re lucky that the lightbulb burned out. He doesn’t know it’s on.”

Ren’s eyes flicked across the dark screen, the only light coming from the window’s behind the Principals desk. He hit the unmute button, immediately regretting it as his heart clenched.

The image showed Asano yelling at his son, who was obviously trying to hold in tears. Most people wouldn’t spot that, but Ren  had known Gakushuu for _years,_ and knew every little twitch of an eyebrow, bite of a lip, and could read Gakushuu’s eyes like no one else.

 _“_ Sir...” Ren half-smiled. That man has no damn right to be called a father. “I only got one point off. The teacher even said it was a question that stumped her!”

“Yes, one question, which gives you a ninety-nine percent, not one-hundred.”

”I still have A’s in every class, it didn’t even drop me at all!”

”Your grades, let’s go over that.” Gakushuu froze up. “It seems in math you have a ninety-eight percent.”

”It was a stupid question, they worded it so differently. Only one person got it right.”

”And that person wasn’t you?”

Koyama averted his eyes, guilt rising. He knew he should’ve faked on that question. 

The four boys had their eyes fixed on the screen, unable to look away, until Araki plugged in a flash drive and hit **record**. Nobody questioned it, not even for one second. They all knew how the Principal abused Gakushuu mentally and emotionally, maybe they’d finally have some proof of it. It would provide a little relief, something Gakushuu needed. 

The Principal walked closer to Gakushuu, staring at him like he was some sort of prey. “We have an extra-credit project that I’m sure to pass, and I promise it will bring my grade up.”

Gakushuu’s voice had a slight begging tone to it, and it was quite obvious even to an untrained eye that he was shaking. It was minuscule, but yet his legs looked like jelly.

The Principal smiled, reaching his hand out to stroke Gakushuu’s cheek. “Oh, how are you ever going to defeat me when you look like _that_ , so weak and helpless? Now, you have two points off your math grade and one point off your English quiz. If you’re so smart tell me the answer.”

“Three,” he answered, fists clenching.

”Are you going to strike me? That would not go well you know.” Gakushuu’s hand went slack, his eyes averting towards the ground. He took a few steps away from his father. He blinked a couple of times, obviously trying to hold back tears.

”I’m sorry,” he said. 

The Principal smiled again. “You should be, you should be sorry for everything. You slack off every chance you get to be with your ‘friends’ don’t you?”

”Don’t bring them into this!” 

Everyone was shocked at the outburst. Gakushuu suddenly had a defensive look on his face. “They haven’t done anything! It’s not their fault!”

_Slap!_

Gakushuu held his face protectively, shying away from his father. The Principal’s expression was neutral. 

Ren stood up, face drained of color. 

_“Does he hit you?”_

_The question was simple. But Gakushuu mask fell off after those words, eyes jerking up to meet his friend’s. He looked scared for a minute, before breathing. “Rarely,” he answered, eyes averting. “But it’s only discipline. And only when I talk back. Most of the times I just hit the corner of a table or something.” He exhales. “You are not going to tell anyone or I will have you sent to D-Class.”_

Discipline. Ren felt like he was going to be sick. Bile rose in his throat and tears pricked at his eyes. He covered his mouth and glanced over at the others. Seo and Koyama were holding in their disgust, and Araki’s tears were falling down his face fast. “We... we can’t let him get away with this,” Seo whispered.

The Principal wasn’t done though. “On your knees,” he ordered. 

Shit. Ren’s feet froze, his head snapped back at the screen. _Don’t you dare tell me—_

Gakushuu’s legs gave out. “Father...please...not at school.” The Principal smiled.

”You really think I would stoop that low? You’re fortunate I wouldn’t even dream of doing that, Asano.” He walked over to his desk, reaching under the desk to grab something. Ren’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. A dog collar.

”You’ve always seemed to want to put me on a leash, Gakushuu, now, I suppose the tables have turned haven’t they?”

The younger’s eyes squeezed shut. “You’re a monster.”

”Hmm?”

”All this because on of your students died? And this is how you treat your own son because of it? No wonder I grew up hating you.”

The Principal didn’t listen, snapping it around Gakushuu’s neck. “You haven’t had lunch today, I suppose?” He smiled again as Gakushuu’s stomach growled. He grabbed Gakushuu’s tray, setting the bowl of ramen in front of him, with no utensils. “There you go. Eat up.”

Ren couldn’t watch this anymore, his stomach churned so terribly. No matter what people said, emotional abuse was way worse than physical in his mind. Humiliating Gakushuu over and over again? That was torture.

No.

Torture was standing there only able to watch.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahaha... *rubs nose* I hope you liked it? I’m not super sure about keeping in character but I’d like to hear from you. This is gonna be my first multi chapter, I’m not sure how it will turn out.
> 
> Everyone portrays Gakuhou as either really evil and physically abusive or just kinda creepy and more comedy. I kind-of wanted to be in the middle but it leaned to the evil side more. Also, we don’t need to really make him hit Gakushuu around. It is discipline for some families to slap their children (but again enough so they slam into a wall?) so I won’t add it much but it does seem like he would if he got pretty angry.
> 
> Big5 friendship gives me life. The scene after pole-toppling was beautiful. They care.


	2. I’m Caught Up In Your Expectations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welllll I’m back. Friday’s I think are my updates. Maybe.

It was quiet.

Eerily quiet.

Gakushuu didn’t want to look up, he wasn’t going to look at themonstermonster his father. His face hurt, but he luckily wasn’t bleeding. The Principal never liked to discipline him simply. When he had cried about a sunburn, the Principal made him hold live coals. When he complained about the cold, he was throw outside in the middle of winter in shorts, or forced to stick his hands in the freezer for however long was required. Was it considered physical abuse? Maybe. He wasn’t sure. Those were the worst times, but the Principal would most likely lock him in his room to study without dinner as punishment.

He supposed he could count on one hand how many the Principal acted fatherly after Ikeda died. Zero.

It hurt. He understood that a teacher’s greatest achievement is their students, but what about their _son_? Their own flesh and blood they raised since day one? Wasn’t that a father’s greatest pride?

His mind wandered back to the exchange students unwillingly. _Blood, oh god so much blood. He’d never seen this much blood in his life. It was everywhere. Groans of pain filled his ears, pleas and begging still ringing in them._

“Asano-kun.” Gakushuu swallowed any feelings about to come up. Even his father couldn’t call him by his name. “Do you really think you would be able to surpass me? You look so skittish, like a cornered animal. Such a weakness, how would you ever take on such a highly worth occupation as mine? I suppose your “friends” would make a better choice, or maybe that Akabane character from E-Class perhaps?”

He balls his fists at the mere name. _He has no idea._

Every time Akabane succeeded, the cord of failure wove around Gakushuu’s neck and tightened, reaching its prickly thorns up into his brain, driving him into insanity, as the vine tightened and tightened enough so he couldn’t breathe, and his father would only stand there, watching, _waiting_ for Gakushuu to fight it off as he sat there so helpless. Yet, both of them knew the marks it left if Gakushuu did manage to get rid of it would last forever.

His father chuckled softly, sitting at his desk. “Lunch is almost over, I suppose we wouldn’t want you missing out sixth period.” The leash was pulled off him, and he stood up shakily.  
  
“Now hurry up, you don’t want to be late.”

Gakushuu scrambled out the door quickly, glimpsing his face in the window to see a sickening bruise blossoming on his cheek. He felt like he would throw up.

* * *

 

 Ren sat patiently at their lunch table, it would not be long until Gakushuu appeared. He rubbed his thumb against the flash drive, stomach rumbling though he had no appetite to eat.

Araki pushed his tray closer to the brunet. “You’ll get hungry,” he said.

“And yet you’ve only eaten half your plate,” Ren pointed out. “I’m just not hungry, Teppei, I don’t want anything to eat.”

Seo’s eyes flashed at him angrily. “I don’t care whatever shit your brain is going through right now, but your not the only one that saw it. Don’t you dare think you can shut yourself out too.”

“Look, I just—”

“I don’t care,” Seo snapped, “stop acting like his mother, Ren! There’s only so much we can do!”

“Just calm down,” Araki pleaded, and Koyama made a grunt of agreement. “We all know what’s happening but Asano doesn’t know we know, so we can’t just scream at each other.”

Ren closed his eyes and breathed. In. Out.

“I think it’s best for us to keep quiet about this,” Araki muttered. “We don’t need to intervene until we have enough to lawsuit against him. We also need Asano-kun’s agreement.”

“He doesn’t want us to know because he thinks we’ll overtake him. He doesn’t need the extra stress,” Koyama added. He looked at Ren. “But I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to talk with him when he comes back.”

“Is everyone alright?”

His eyes snapped open as he saw Gakushuu staring at them with an unreadable face. “You all look a bit out of it.”

Ren’s eyes caught his cheek, a large bruise on his face. “What happened to your face?” He asked, feigning ignorance. “It looks like a cross between a rotting plum and a blossoming violet, a very repulsive combination.”

Gakushuu struggled for an answer, obviously caught off guard. Ren stood up, gently laying a hand on Gakushuu’s shoulder and leading him away from the crowd. They had five minutes to talk. Ren turned his head towards Gakushuu, who was waiting patiently for what he was going to say.

”Listen, I need you to get whatever thought stuck in your head that we want to be better than you.” Gakushuu’s mask cracked as his eyes widened in surprise. “We don’t, Asano-kun, we just want to be friends. We just want to help you alright? You can tell us what’s going on and we won’t tell anyone, it will just stay between us, you don’t even have to tell the others, but please tell me what’s going on.” Ren didn’t mind the fact he was begging.

”Ren, I...”

”Why do you call me that if you don’t trust me?” Ren asked. “First name, no honorific, only close friends or lovers do that, so why do you call me that if we’re not friends?”

The strawberry-blond looked down, breathing heavily. 

“You know we fake on questions sometimes,” Ren added. Gakushuu looked horrified for a minute. “You rip yourself apart to be perfect, everyone can see it, so we’ve been silently trying to make sure you stay on top. We also planned to talk with E-Class about it...”

”Don’t you dare. It’s my fault for not being strong enough.” Gakushuu looked away. “Don’t hold yourself back, I just need to study more, it’s fine...”

 _Screw this._ “It’s not fine, listen to me! You know, I’m sick of this. I’m sick of watching you shove on that mask and try to be perfect while you’re breaking because the Principal slaps you around all the time!” Shoot. He didn’t mean to let that slip.

Tears were growing in Gakushuu’s eyes. “He doesn’t ‘slap me around all the time’ okay?” He whispered. “We just have a different relationship.”

”Keep telling yourself that. Why the hell are you standing up for him when he’s done nothing but make yours and the rest of the school’s life miserable. I hear everyday student talk about how stressed they are, students that are so paranoid that their parents are going to be unhappy when they get a point or two off. Don’t pretend you don’t hear it either. So why are you covering it up, just,” he sighed, “please, talk to me.”

Gakushuu broke. He suddenly pressed himself against Ren, crying in his shoulder. Ren carefully sat down on the bench. “I’m sorry,” he choked out. Ren rubbed circles on his shoulderblades. 

“It’s alright, just let it out Gakushuu.” He couldn’t help the warm swell of happiness blossoming. Gakushuu was _finally_ opening up. He moved a hand to Gakushuu’s head, pulling him in a hug. The warm feeling was gone when he felt how much Gakushuu pushed into the touch. _He doesn’t let people touch him often, and the Principal never would do anything..._ he tightened his hold on Gakushuu. “It’s gonna be okay, Shuu, don’t worry.”

”You called me Shuu.” Ren froze.

”I’m sorry I didn’t—”

”My father used to call me that. Back before everything happened. We were so happy. He hugged me and praised me and always told me he loved me...” Gakushuu trailed off, gripping Ren’s shirt. “Why can’t he do it anymore?”

Ren stroked Gakushuu’s hair. “It’s going to get better, I promise. We’re here for you, just stop hiding it.”

”I don’t know if I can,” Gakushuu said, moving away, “it was hard enough to say that.”

His mask was already falling into place, so soon after that breakdown. “How about this, we’ll set up study dates at our houses. Tell the Prinicpal that, but when you there you can do anything. Watch movies, play video-games, catch up on rest, anything. Just be a normal teenager.” 

“Maybe.” 

The bell rang, signaling lunch as over. “We have to go, see you later, Ren.” For once, Ren didn’t really mind the coldness in Gakushuu’s voice. He smiled.

”See you later, Gakushuu.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Please leave a review, it helps me keep going and I’d love to hear from you!
> 
> (Also, to anyone out there longer on this than me, there’s a second end not from last chapter on here, is there anyway to get rid of it, it’s annyoing.)


	3. Oh Look Up At All The Puppeteers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating. My iPad was having issues, and I’m sick so my brain is mush and this isn’t the best chapter, but I’ll try to update soon.

Ren had been checking his phone for the past five minutes. It had been two hours since he had come home from school. Gakushuu would’ve said something by now!

 

_Ring!_

 

He checked it, only to see it was Koyama.

 **Koyama:** We need to call you ‘Mother Ren’ now. I bet you’ve been checking your phone every two seconds.

 **Sakakibara:** Well, not every two seconds.

 **Seo:** Needy much?

He groaned.

 **Sakakibara:** Hush, I’m paranoid, not needy. Plus, I don’t like Asano-kun like that.

Ren wrote Gakushuu, then deleted it. Nope. They don’t need to know that he and Gakushuu are on first name basis ( _are they?_ )

 **Araki:** I’m sorry, but I think I just spit out my water reading that.

 **Koyama:** I mean really, you’re head-over-heels for him.

 **Sakakibara:** What are you talking about? I just have a lot of paranoia and I’m concerned because we all saw what happened.

 **Araki:** You poor thing.

 **Seo:** Yeah he’s absolutely too good for this world. Look Ren, no matter how straight you think you are, we can all see the looks you give Asano-kun. You’re always fluttering over him, it’s crazy you don’t see it.

 **Sakakibara:** The only thing I don’t see is how you managed to write that without throwing a tantrum.

 **Koyama:** Gee you got him flustered. He actually managed a non-pacifist comeback.

Ren groaned, feeling the heat rise in his cheeks. He turned off his phone, rubbing his thumb over the flash drive as he closed his eyes. _I’m just worried. That’s it._

The teen stared at his piles of homework, eyes narrowing. _Gakushuu will be up all night studying._ Ren spun around in his chair a bit, mind solely on his friend. He groaned. _Am I really so overprotective? Isn’t it natural for a friend to worry?_

He sat before his homework quietly, taking a page and breezing through the questions lazily. Though, everything still hung in his mind. _What did they know?_

 

_Ring!_

 

“It’s probably just Koyama again…” Ren muttered, checking it. He nearly dropped the phone. Gakushuu.

_I hate saying this, but may I stay at your house for a night? The Principal just threw me out._

Shit. Ren was not one to curse but _shit._ He typed a quick message with _yes_ and sent it, getting up and pulling the cushions from the couch. His parents didn’t mind when he asked for a sofa-bed in his room, hey, it was about that time where he invited friends over for sleepovers. As long as they weren’t high or drunk was the deal, and no ‘funny business’.

He calmed himself down. God he was so paranoid, he didn’t remember being this worried ever before. _Calm yourself down, stupid!_ He reprimanded himself, running a nervous hand through his hair.

Ren completely ignored the butterflies in his stomach.

* * *

 

Gakushuu was brought by Ren’s driver, who swore not to tell the boy’s father about it. He saw the tears behind Gakushuu’s mask and tried to hug him, but was firmly pushed away. “This isn’t going to be an everyday thing,” he said stonily, “but it’s freezing outside and I would not wish to go out that way.”

The brunet’s crestfallen expression was not masked, and he glanced away. “Okay,” he mumbled. “I readied a bed for you. If you need anything else, don’t be afraid to ask.”

Gakushuu looked at him stoically. “Today’s _incident_ did not happen,” he said, almost commanded, and Ren took a step back. _Good,_ Gakushuu thought bitterly,  _he’s fearing me._

“Okay,” Ren said.

The blond moved past him quietly, hoisting his backpack of clothes higher and climbing the stairs.

Gakushuu walked down the hallway, Ren trailing behind him. The brunet opened a door and Gakushuu walked in, eyes raking the room. “This is yours,” he pointed out.

”Well, yeah, I mean we only have one guest room and it’s covered in dust. I don’t have a huge mansion with a thousand rooms so...” he trailed off awkwardly.

Gakushuu rolled his eyes before settling down, unpacking his neatly folded nightclothes and a small box of toiletries. He pressed a hand on the mattress, fisting the soft comforter and taking a breath. 

Ren wrung his hands awkwardly. “Do you want to... talk about it?”

”What’s there to talk about?” He snapped. “The Principal does it all the time, I just don’t want to freeze to death!”

”Okay,” Ren looked away. “The bathroom’s the left.”

The boy’s eyebrow rose. “That’s it? No probing? Nothing?”

”What do you want me to say?” Ren replied. “When I try to help you just push me away!”

Gakushuu bit the inside of his lip. A habit he’d acquired, since any other method would be too...visible.  _He’ll just bring you down. What would Father think of you now? Relying on others to help you, to shelter you when you can’t stand the cold on your own? So weak, weak weak weak **weak**! At this rate, you’ll never be good enough!_

”That’s enough, it’s already late, we should get to sleep,” he suggested. 

“It’s only seven, Gakushuu.” The little rebelling voice in his head praised him for not correcting Ren. “Have you even had dinner?”

_The food on his plate was very little, the Principal always needed to keep him in prime shape._

_“You didn’t eat lunch today,” that sickeningly sweet voice pointed out, a smug smile etched on his father’s face, “It was right in front of you, **son** , is there something wrong?” _

_Gakushuu stared at his plate, stomach lurching. “No, sir.”_

_”I don’t suppose your “friends” gave you anything else. Isn’t that what friends do? Yours sit by and watch without batting an eye. And yet I can tell you want to trust them.”_

_”Sir, I...”_

_”You put blind faith in them when they will only take you down. They are only here to be on top, not some underlings. They **will** snap one day, and you won’t be prepared because your are too busy pretending.”_

Gakushuu snapped back into reality to meet Ren’s eyes. “Yes,” he lied.

Ren’s eyes narrowed. “I’m taking that as a no.” He turned away. “It’ll be ready in a bit.”

Gakushuu’s mouth opened and closed. Ren shook his head. “Listen, you don’t need to be tight and cold, loosen up a bit, the Principal isn’t here.” 

He watched as Ren left, and covered his face with his arm. _Are you really telling the truth, Father? It doesn’t seem like it._

The teen groaned quietly, lying down on his bed. Everything seemed to catch up with him as the many all-nighters he’s pulled hit him. _I’ll fall asleep at this rate! Look at me, sitting here like a weakling. Are you happy Father? Maybe I am weak like you said._

He hauled himself up and shook his head. _No, what am I thinking? I’m not weak!_ He grabbed the doorknob and opened the door, quietly padding downstairs. He stopped at the base of the stairs, watching Ren fret about heating up a meal.

“Dammit, Gakushuu,” he heard the other teen grumble, “you’re worrying all of us. Stupid.” _He doesn’t realize I’m here. It’s quite rude to eavesdrop but… should I listen?_

  
Luckily, his internal crisis was solved when Ren turned. “Oh, hey. My parents have been busy, haven’t gotten to go shopping in awhile. I’ve been living on soba and onigiri for the past week, but I found some decent things in the back of the pantry.” He patted the seat to the island, Gakushuu reluctantly complying. He was passed a hot bowl of soup, Ren giving a small smile. Gakushuu picked at it, stirring and eating tiny bites. He was also given a plate of thick noodles. “It’s not real filling but it’s better than nothing.”

Gakushuu nodded, eyes fixed on the plates in front of him. _I feel like such an idiot. Why am I even relying on him? I don’t need him!_ “Why don’t you go to the shops?” 

“Huh?”

 _Great job, Asano, you just made this way more awkward. “_ You said you haven’t been shopping lately because your parents are gone, why not just go?” 

”Eh,” Ren laughed, scratching the back of his neck, “I’m not a fan of crowded places with strangers, and my driver’s the only guy we hired, I don’t trust him all that well.”

”That’s dumb, you believe you can stay in the top five in Kunugigaoka but yet you can’t simply go on a grocery trip?” Gakushuu regretted it almost immediately when he saw Ren wince.

”Some people just have fears of stuff. I’m not really scared, anyway, just cautious.” His eyes narrowed. “Are you here to crash or to judge me?”

Gakushuu laughed forcefully. “You act so different than from in school.”

The other breathed quietly. “I’ll go finish my homework.” Ren turned off the stove. “There’s more if you want. Please eat, I don’t want you getting hurt.” He turned and walked back upstairs.

 _You messed up,_  Gakushuu thought. _Darn it, why can’t I ever just say what I’m feeling?_

He stared at his food, it was already going cold.


	4. You Look Down On Me, So Casually

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, tagging has changed because this is pretty dark. TWs will probably be in most chapters.

Gakushuu had long ago discarded the dinner, sitting on the stool at glaring at the granite countertop. It had been what-half an hour? Gakushuu didn’t know. He bit his lip again hard, feeling the coppery taste on his tongue. It was such a terrible habit, and often was why he skipped meals, but worth it. As long as it wasn’t visible (oh how the Principal would get a laugh out of that) he would be fine. It was self-discipline, better than any sick games the Principal had in store.

“I suppose I can’t get you to eat anything.” He turned his head slightly to meet Ren, who was staring at him with a small smile. “Don’t apologize, it was my fault for overreacting.” The other boy pulled a stool to the other side of the island. He blinked, and Gakushuu noticed the tears brimming in his eyes.

“What do you want?” Gakushuu snapped.

Ren breathed. “Why do you insist on blocking everyone out?” He leaned closer to the blond, trying to reach for his hand comfortingly only to get batted away. Gakushuu glared. “You asked me a personal question, at least have the decency not to act like a child.”

“I assure you I do not act like a child.”

The brunet raised an eyebrow. “Because you certainly _haven’t_ been sitting there for half an hour moping. You’re literally pouting, Gakushuu.” The other’s face morphed into a scow. Ren chuckled. “See? Pouting.”

Gakushuu turned away, moving up the stairs. “I’m going to bed.” He climbed up the stairs quickly, ignoring the other. _Like he knows anything._ Gakushuu groaned, rubbing his wrists angrily. Sitting on the bed, he sighed. Everything just suffocated him at times. It was because he was _weak,_ the nagging voice snickered. _Weak weak weak weak **weak**. _

He breathed quietly, eyes darting around the room as that one word repeated in his head endlessly.

His mind was whirling, _not right now, please, not right now._ He dug fingers into his skin—never enough to draw blood, just leave an indent—to ground himself, breathing quietly as he moved to the bathroom and locked the door. He sat quietly on the toilet seat, breathing and steadying himself so he didn’t get a panic attack.

He leaned back against the cool porcelain, the lack of heat nice against his warm skin. _Dang it Ren._ Gakushuu clenched his hand around his wrist, digging it in his skin again. He blinked away tears threatening to spill.

_Why must you be so nosy? It’s surely not your business to know everything. You’ll just use it to your advantage. But yet, why keep insisting you aren’t when I know the truth? I hate liars, Ren, you know that._

He quieted his train of thought as he felt pain flare up in his arm. Looking down, he noticed the familiar red color. He wasn’t paying attention and scratched his arm. Who knew his nails were so sharp?

Gakushuu bit his lip again, moving to wash it off under the sink. The first aid kit glared obviously on a shelf. He silently bandaged his arm, tugging down his jacket. _Father will surely laugh if he finds out. I look like one of those weak cutters. So_ **_weak._ **

He moved out of the bathroom quietly. Ren stared at him from his bed, an unreadable expression on his face. “Goodnight, Gakushuu,” he said quietly. Gakushuu grumbled as he grabbed his stuff and made a break for the bathroom again.

The second he got in there, panic rose in his throat. He felt his heartbeat go erratic quickly, and a sudden need for _air air air_ clawed at him.

Gakushuu grabbed his hair frantically, breathing unsteady. His panic attack he suppressed minutes earlier had come back for its vengeance. His hands were sweaty as he gripped the sink, tears gathering in his eyes. _Look at you,_ the voice sneered, _look how_ **_weak_ ** _you are, wouldn’t Father just_ **_love_ ** _seeing you collapse like this? You’ll never be good enough._ He tried brushing his teeth, but couldn’t pick up the brush. His arm burned, and everything was dizzy. His fingers gently reached the toothbrush, gripping onto it like a lifeline. He tried breathing carefully, hands shaking as he calmed down. His violet eyes glanced in the mirror, shame filling him at such a weakness. _Good. You’ll always be so weak._ He adjusted his askew clothes, and pulled the sleeve down instinctively. Ren would go nuts.

His feet dragged as he quietly opened the door to Ren’s room. The other was staring at the ceiling. Ren’s eyes glanced over, facial expression looking perturbed as Gakushuu sat down on his bed. “Do you want to talk? I won’t pressure you,” Ren asked bluntly. “I overreacted and shouldn’t have said anything, I’m sorry.”

Gakushuu stared at him silently. “I’m fine,” he muttered. There was no more words spoken as he pulled the sheets over himself. He turned onto his side, facing away from Ren. He tugged his shirt sleeve down self-consciously. _It will heal in a few days, and it’s not like you actually_ did it. _It was just an accident,_ the one soothing voice said. Heh. Maybe he should name them. _Already crazy as it is. Father probably wouldn’t care if you were talking to yourself._

He blinked, rubbing his wrists as Ren left to change. _You’re so_ **_weak_ ** _, you know. Asked a “friend” for a place to crash, cut your wrist. What’s next, gonna jump off a bridge like Ikeda?_ Gakushuu narrowed his eyes and exhaled. Sleep, he needed sleep. _Yeah, just sleep away your problems, maybe take some pills so you can do it forever._

* * *

 

Ren finished changing and looked at the mirror, running a hand through his hair and sighing. He didn’t really _like_ Gakushuu, did he? Ren shook his head, moving to the sink to grab his toothbrush. He stared at the mirror again, _no, it was just his protectiveness for his friend._ His eyes dropped down to the white porcelain, and froze.

A splatter of blood stood out against the white, red discoloring the smooth material. His mind immediately seized up, every terrible thing racing in his mind. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed another spot on the toilet, and another on the rug. _No no no no no._ He tried to ease his paranoid mind as he grabbed toilet paper and wiped it up, throwing the soiled paper in the trash. He had to, his mind stopped him from the thought. He checked the trash can, and sure enough there was band-aid wrapper unceremoniously dumped in there. _It was probably just an accident,_ his mind tried.

 _Just an accident._ Ren breathed. He walked back into the bedroom, Gakushuu obviously not asleep but pretending he was. “Gakushuu?”

“What do you want? If you insist on pestering me at least make it quick.”

How could he make this sound not-weird? “Are you okay? There was some blood I saw in the bathroom and—” Gakushuu tensed up. The action was minuscule, but Ren was watching for it. “Are you okay?”

“I am absolutely fine, Ren, there is no need for you to be looking into things this much. I merely caught against the sharp corner, that’s it.” _The corners are rounded because it was baby-proofed when I was little,_ _Gakushuu_. He repressed an angry growl for being lied to.

“Alright,” he said, bitterness laced in his voice, “I’m glad it was only that. Sorry for disturbing you.” He moved under the covers, turning of the lights and staring at the ceiling. Restlessness stirred in his mind. _Gakushuu lies all the time, why is this so different?_ He looked over. _You know this is different._

He ended up tossing and turning, tentatively reaching for his phone. Should he tell the others? No. His hand dropped back down, gripping the comforter tightly. This wasn’t something they should be involved in unless Ren knew for sure.

Seconds, minutes, _hours_ passed by and Ren still couldn’t sleep. It was eleven, and Ren looked over at Gakushuu. This was it. He silently tiptoed over to the other, inhaling a breath. He gently removed the blankets. _Sorry Gakushuu, it’s for your own good._ He breathed, gently tugging Gakushuu’s left sleeve up. He used the dim light of his phone to check. Nothing. He exhaled before tugging up the other one.

Everything stopped.

Right there, right _there_ sat a slightly large bandage. With the dim light, Ren could make out bloodstains already on it. _Oh Gakushuu,_ he cried in his head, tears already appearing. _I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve this. You never have._

He quietly moved back to his bed, trying to think of anything _but_ that. _I want to kill him,_ Ren thought, _the Principal deserves to rot in jail._

The brunet laid there, quietly mulling over everything. He couldn’t believe this. He didn’t think Gakushuu was that broken.

Maybe his little window was too fogged up.

He reached for his phone again, setting the light on low and staring at the screen. He glued his eyes on the text, numbing his mind from his train wreck of rushing thoughts. They kept talking about how oblivious he was. Huh. Maybe Araki, Seo, and Koyama were right. _No no! You don’t have time for that! Gakushuu needs a friend right now, look what he’s going through! Feelings can’t be sought out right now!_ His eyes shifted towards the sleeping form of Gakushuu, and his heart went faster. There went that thought. He suddenly felt his stomach doing acrobatics, and his mind suddenly was reciting a jumble of love poems. _Oh,_ his mind said dumbly as he stared at the pretty strawberry blond, almost orangey hair. His brain conjured up images of Gakushuu’s beautiful amethyst eyes and a bright smile that could light up the world, a true one. Ren gulped. His brain immediately shoved a picture of a flushed and bashful Gakushuu, cheeks pink, it would’ve second after they ki—

Ren opened his text messages, looking at his friends texts. _Don’t, you really shouldn’t,_ the tiny rational voice pleaded, but it was to late.

 

 **Sakakibara:** I’m screwed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, yes you are Ren. 
> 
> (God this ship gives me life. Also, #GakushuuProtectionSquad anyone?)


	5. And If You Can’t Tell, I’m Scared As Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Araki’s and Gakushuu’s POV this time, because the other three were supposed to be main characters but ended up more as secondary? Ahaha oops. This is kinda filled but I needed to update. 
> 
> Ft. Everyone is concerned and Gakushuu wants to bang his head against a wall.

Araki knew something was wrong the second Ren and Asano walked in.  
  
Asano looked jittery, it was almost impossible to see to the untrained eye though. Araki thanked his father the millionth time for being a reporter, it helped with picking up every little detail. Asano’s eyes seemed to glance around frantically, scared at something, yet his posture was as straight and tight as ever. _Trying to hide something,_ Araki mused.  
  
Ren looked dazed, like he was in his own universe. His eyes had no awareness, and they were bloodshot as if he’d been crying all night. Surely realizing his feelings wasn’t that bad? No. It must have been something else.  
  
Out of the corner of his eye Araki saw Asano tug at his right jacket sleeve. Ren noticed it to, and bit his lip, eyes averting away. It didn’t need a genius to figure it out. Araki gulped, smothering any thoughts that rose. “I better get going, I’ll be late for morning announcements,” he declared. Ren only nodded, but Asano looked him right in the eye and smiled. Fake.  
  
“Of course, the students must know what is going on for the day.” Araki tried not to arch an eyebrow, smiling and nodding as he passed, giving a quick look to Ren. He hoped the other boy caught it.  
  
The hallways were endless, it gave some time for Araki to think. He found his glasses were starting to fog up, quickly pulling them off and rubbing at his eyes. No, not right now. Calm down. He inhaled, nodding to himself as he opened the door to the newsroom.  
  
It’s going to be fine.

* * *

Araki watched as Asano sat in front of him, pulling out his textbook. There was no difference now, Asano had built up his mask again.  
  
It was saddening to watch, you could see the conflictive arguments running in his head by just looking at his eyes. You could tell he struggled under all the pressure by glancing at his fists clenching. You could tell he was holding back tears by glimpsing his mouth twitch. All these subtle things most wouldn’t recognize, it tore Asano apart.

After they had all greeted the teacher respectfully, Araki found himself zoning out. Not like it mattered, he already knew a great deal of this course.

He quietly stared at his pencil _tap tap tapping_ against the desk, eyes glancing back at Asano quietly.  
  
”Araki-san, I don’t suppose there is something more important than my teachings?” The teacher asked. Ever since Araki got into junior high, the teachers have always been kind of snarky. It was annoying, but he did realize that the Principal was the _Principal_ .  
  
“Sorry, sensei, I zoned out,” he admitted sheepishly. The teacher nodded, and returned back to the lesson.

Araki tried his best to pay attention, but having the blob of strawberry blond hair that’s connected to the friend you’re worried about is _not helping._

He watched as Asano seemed to unintentionally adjust his sleeve every once in awhile. He knew Asano sometimes would fidget with it to help calm his anxiety that no one saw, _wait,_ how long had this been going on?!

Was he such a terrible friend that he couldn’t notice when his friend needed help the most? _Ugh, don’t start sounding like Ren._ He found himself tapping the desk again, watching and waiting, but not able to do a thing.

* * *

Gakushuu hissed under his breath. His “cut” was itchy as hell, and he _really_ didn’t want to give people the wrong idea. He scratched at it under the desk, ephemeral bliss before it started up again, agitating him more. How could people deal with this?! This was sheer torture and people would do this?!

He blinked, watching the teacher drone on about something he learned weeks ago.

Really, he just had to sit still and look pretty for most of these classes. All he had to do is sit and answer questions once in awhile.

Gakushuu glanced at the clock, already knowing there was still ten minutes left of class. Wonderful.

The itch returned, flaring up in Gakushuu’s arm, and he gritted his teeth. He scratched at it absentmindedly.

“Asano-kun, your arm!” A girl sitting next to him shrieked. Gakushuu looked down to find a minimal splotch of red soaking through his sleeve. Not a huge deal. To everyone else though, the act would seem ineffable. Surely such a splendid, _perfect_ child would not dare commit such a sin?

Everyone’s eyes suddenly flicked to him, he could even feel Araki’s boring into his skull. Ren suddenly looked guilty, eyes cast down and fists clenching.

“It’s nothing, I assure you truly, it was merely an accident. I would never do such a thing on purpose,” he declared truthfully, “and I do think it’s not something to interrupt a class. Apologies, sensei, you may continue.” He stood up silently, bowing gently before sitting down and picking up his pencil.

The teacher huffed. “I would like if you would go see the nurse about that. You might need a new shirt.”

Gakushuu resisted every urge to roll his eyes and smiled. “Yes, I suppose it would be bothersome to have everyone questioning me about it.” The teacher signed a pass and let him go.

He walked down the hallways numbly, a sharp sting rising if he twisted his hand the wrong way.

“I suppose nothing good would happen if you told your dear father about this _incident_ .” Gakushuu whirled around, expecting to see the Principal’s smug face, but met with empty air. He calmed his erratic heartbeat immediately, a scowl flashing across his face. _Maybe I am going crazy. Just what I need. Next the doctors are going to diagnose me with schizophrenia and pump foreign medicine in me._ He could see it now, splayed out on the bed, pale, as IVs covered his arm and machines beeping and blaring and people running around. He’d be under, and anytime he wasn’t he’d be quarantined in a room with a straightjacket and people asking him questions. He’d reply with some outlandish story of centipedes and demons and maybe an alien from somewhere that was trying to destroy the earth.

Amusing.

He opened the door to the nurse’s office quietly, wow, the floor has suddenly become quite interesting.

The exchange was very brief. The nurse said nothing after Gakushuu affirmed it was nothing of sorts, a quick swap of a new uniform jacket and Gakushuu was gone.

He could hear the thumping of his shoes across the floor as he returned to class, the same pitiful look scrawled across the students’ faces. Gakushuu scoffed. _See? Even they know you’re a worthless nothing that scars his own skin._ He blinked out of that. _No, they’re just dumb. To think, the school’s most intelligent students have no trust._

“Asano-kun, are you positive you’re alright?” Araki whispered when he sat back down. “You can talk to me if something is going on.”

Gakushuu turned his head. “For the second time, I will repeat. It was merely an accident, it was not on purpose or any of the sorts. I hit a corner, I am human after all, contrary to rumors. Accidents are prone to happen once in a while.” _No, you have to be perfect,_ his mind seethed, but yet, there was no other explanation he could give. It was either that or saying it was on purpose, which would be better?

Araki narrowed his eyes but nodded.

  
Gakushuu sighed, just one more problem to add to them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to the shortness of the chapter(s) I’ll try to update again this week :) I’ll finally get back on track with the plot.


	6. ‘Cause You Feed Me Fables From Your Head

The house was quiet.

It was five o’clock in the morning, Gakushuu hesitantly stepped into the house.

“I suppose you were at one of your friend’s house?” Gakushuu suppressed a wince as he heard the Principal’s hostility. “It was only ten degrees out, and you really needed to slink into someone’s house for a heater?”

“Ten degrees Celsius, fifty degrees Fahrenheit, and it supposedly would drop, unless you want your son to be in the hospital for hypothermia, then be my guest.”

The Principal rose, an indifferent look on his face. “Are you talking back to me?”

Gakushuu visibly cringed. Usually, Asano would only smirk and reply with something similar. Should’ve known he wasn’t in a good mood.

“How amusing. Teenage rebellion, and yet most parents do nothing but take away their children’s phones for a brief time.” Why would I care about my phone? The only person you’ve ever let me text was Ren, and that was on and off. Not to mention I can’t even download anything without your consent, he snarled mentally. “I think it would be better if you didn’t text your little friend, after all, he’ll only turn on you.

“And yet you still persist by leaning on them. Their trust is just as real as the metaphorical knife behind their back, Asano-kun. People only want power, and they’ll do anything to get it.”

 _Back with his monologue again,_ a voice yawned, somehow sounding irritatingly like Akabane, _when is he ever gonna stop? It’s boring, everyone knows freedom is fun and friends are awesome._

_No, he’s right. You can see it in their eyes. They just want power. All of humanity does. You want to help them become strong and they want to use that strength to pin you down._

“Fighting with your inner demons?” Gakushuu couldn’t shake the feeling of centipedes crawling up his legs. “Of course, I supposed you wouldn’t want to be seen as insane now?”

Because your the one insane, father.

“School does not start until two hours. I expect you to be studying. I suppose you are hungry?” At that, Gakushuu’s stomach growled. He winced. Right. He hadn’t had anything to eat since breakfast yesterday. The Principal smiled. “You may get it on your own.” Gakushuu moved over to the kitchen, only for the Principal to lay a hand on his shoulder, causing the younger to tense up. “I can tell you have affection for that Sakakibara, and I will not tolerate you trying to make friends and lean on others. You are the best of the best, and they are under you. Do not show them kindness, only discipline, or there will be punishments. Do you understand?”

Gakushuu dug his fist into his thigh, gritting his teeth. “Yes, sir.” He moved to the kitchen, quickly boiling some rice and heating up leftovers that somehow appeared in the fridge.

Gakushuu growled to himself as he saw the Principal smirked from his peripheral vision, how much ego did this man have?

He turned away, not wanting to see the smug smile grow.

* * *

Gakushuu glanced at the Principal, who was looking at him with an expressionless face. The air was uncomfortable, and he felt like he was suffocating. Trying to eat his rice but failing, the others staring got under his skin like a needle.

“Is there something you want, sir? You seem to be studying me as if I were a lab rat and not your son.” He spat out the last word, raising his head.

“You are my student. I must watch over to make sure no imperfections happen.” Gakushuu gripped his utensils tightly. The Principal never referred to Gakushuu as his son.

“Damn you,” he hissed, and the Principal merely raised an eyebrow. _Language is for those not intelligent enough to use smarter words._ “I’m tired of your sick games! When will this stop?! When will you start acting like my father instead of a teacher?! You really think I can handle all this stress you’ve been placing on me?!” He growled, standing up. “I’m not a superhuman like you! Look, I’m sorry that Ikeda died but bullying happens all the time. It was his fault, not yours! A stupid kid you knew a couple years threw you off so much that your making your own son suffer!”

The Principal’s eyes narrowed. He knew he wasn’t supposed to pull that card. One of the two that were forbidden. But who cares? He needed to get it off his chest, even if some form of punishment follows. Be prepared for the biggest breakdown ever. Gakushuu couldn’t stop the tears already flowing.

“I am doing what’s best for you, Asano-kun.”

“Call me Gakushuu!” He nearly yelled. “Why can’t you just do that like every other normal parent? Why can’t you just tell me I did a good job if I got a point off a test instead of throwing me in isolation and forcing me to study?! This is what you think is best, but it’s not! Why can’t…” he choked, “why can’t you just love me? Why is it so hard?”

Tears were flowing freely, he covered his face as he sobbed. _Such a weakness. What if the school saw you like this?_

“I will not tolerate tantrums, Asano-kun. You are not a child, do not act as such.” Gakushuu looked up to see utter coldness radiating off the Principal. _Of course, do you think yelling at him will put him in a better mood? You spoke out against your father!_

Shut up, he growled. He didn’t need this! Just think clearly and focus!

“I apologize, sir,” he mumbled, “I’ll take any punishment deemed necessary.” Good. You deserve it.

“The driver is ready,” he said, passing Gakushuu without so much as a glance. He rubbed at his eyes, pulling his messenger bag over his head and gripping the strap tightly. Breathe, he just needed to breathe.

* * *

 

The car ride was silent, even the driver was holding his breath. Gakushuu watched the scenery, dull grey of buildings and a few people.

“Asano-kun?”

Gakushuu breathed in quietly, eyes glimpsing the Principal, slightly tilting his head to show he was listening.

There seemed to be a hint of… sadness, in the Principal’s eyes.

“I understand you feel that it is necessary I treat you with the compassion others do, but I have tried that before, and it did not end well. I must keep my students, and my son strong. You are driving yourself over an edge, Gakushuu, begging and making a mess of yourself like this. You will be to far gone, and it will be your own undoing, trying to be kind instead of strong. Love plays no important part of this world, only power.”

Gakushuu realized they were at school, and he opened the door quickly. The Principal just called him his son and Gakushuu.

He found himself smiling softly, before stopping.

It seemed, as though, an imaginary circle ran around the school, and the second you stepped in, everything was forgotten. You were there to study.

And nothing else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Karma might appear later on, but unlike most stories, he’s portrayed as an antagonist. And pretty much all of E-Class ain’t going to be so great either, remember this is focused on Gakushuu.


	7. I Learned to Live, Half Alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, I could not write anything, so I took the notes from last chapter.
> 
> Gaku is precious.  
> E-Class is so mean to him.  
> Evil Karma hey.

Ren tried not to stare.

He really did. 

Every time Gakushuu moved, every single flinch, he monitored. Might as well start stalking him. He turned his head to stare out the window. 

Ren didn’t know what to do.

All he wanted to do was help. He just wanted to _help_ Gakushuu—the boy he has a _crush_ on—but Gakushuu would stubbornly refuse. Even after the breakdown he had the other day. How long did he expect to keep this up?!

“Remember, today has an assembly meeting planned,” he heard a kid whisper, and snapped back into reality. Oh no, E-Class. 

To be honest, Ren really had nothing against them. He didn’t like that they were being ridiculed for their intelligence. They just needed some extra help. Not everyone can pick up on stuff quickly. Though, no one thought that way in this school. It was all about power. He’d only become one of the Virtuoso because he was naturally smart, he didn’t want to make people feel bad.

This year’s E-Class, though, has Karma Akabane.

That sadistic demon made Ren’s blood boil, and he was the pacifist of the group. Akabane always managed to get under Gakushuu’s skin and took things way too far. They had been rivals since, forever it seemed.

 

_“Gakushuu-kun?”_

 

It was a distant memory. Third grade? Second? He wasn’t sure.

_“Are you okay?”_

_The small strawberry-blond haired boy looked up, wiping his tears away from his eyes and giving a small smile. “I’m fine.”_

_“You were just crying!” Ren insisted, “people don’t cry when they’re fine!”_

_“I assure you, it was nothing of your business,” there he went again, using big words because his father demanded he wouldn’t ‘baby-talk’ like others. “Please stop bugging me.”_

_Ren crossed his arms. “Stop lying.”_

_Gakushuu sighed. “It’s Akabane. He’s just acting troublesome again. I’m fine.”_

_Ren clenched his fists. “He’s hurting my best friend!”_

  
Ren blinked as the bell rang, picking himself up. He lightly grazed Gakushuu’s shoulder, seeing how the tension in his body wouldn’t subside. He wished he could promise that everything would be fine, but that wasn’t going to happen.

He absentmindedly tightened his grip, and Gakushuu loosened just the smallest of bit. Blood was pounding in his ears. Gakushuu didn’t deserve this.

The other suddenly pushed Ren’s hand off, squaring his shoulders and holding his head higher.

Ren sighed.

* * *

 

One by one, students dressed in what could barely pass for the school uniform walked towards the auditorium. Instead of lower heads flinching at every mock, their head were high, smiling innocently at the somewhat frightened main campus  students. 

Gakushuu watched as a familiar flash of red hair greeted him. “Well well, if it isn’t Daddy’s Boy,” Karma smirked, “not so happy with us  _losers_ beating you in your little game?” 

“It is only a meeting, Akabane. There is no need for this,” Gakushuu responded.

”Oh wow, the great Gakushuu Asano backing down from a fight already?”

”I do not fight, unlike you, who if not for constant suspensions, would not be in E-Class. It’s a pity, but eliminates an opponent.” Gakushuu’s eyes narrowed.

”I’m not sure this is going to ‘eliminate me’ you’re not going to get rid of me that easily, Pres.” Karma smiled. “So I’d go run back to Daddy, I’m not done quite yet.”

A blonde girl, Nakamura, if Gakushuu remembered correctly, stepped forward, arm resting on Gakushuu. He pulled away, nearly growling. “Puppy’s getting angry,” she smirked.

Karma laughed. “Tell the Principal he’s done a great job raising his dog for me.” 

Gakushuu’s fists clenched. “Shut up, Akabane. You know nothing.”

Karma’s smile widened, showing all his teeth. “Please, enlighten me. I’m pretty sure I know some things.”

”Karma, that’s enough,” the E-Class president, what was his name? Isogai, right. “Asano’s right. It’s just the assembly, there’s no need for hostility.”

The redhead walked closer to Gakuhshuu, getting to close for comfort, which he knew bothered the other. “I’ll keep the hostility as long as Second Place here keeps his.”

“Which I am not today, so would you be so kind as to leave me peacefully? I did not wish to be pestered today, by anyone.”

Karma grabbed his arm, and he flinched. Immediately, the other retreated. “Are you alright?” He asked, a sudden softness in his voice that Gakushuu found too trustworthy.

”Such a weakness, I thought it would work,” Gakushuu grinned.

Shock was written all over Karma’s face. Red bloomed on his cheeks.

”Since I’ve had to humiliate you like that, I would love if you’d leave me be,” he growled, turning on his heels and marching inside. 

The shock on Karma’s face made his day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is terrible and short I had no idea what the heck to write so here. I’m trying to get back on track with the (little) plot I have, but this is usually what happens when I write a multi-chapter. It ends up spiraling out of control and I have no idea what to write anymore. Maybe I should rename this The Misadventures of Gakushuu Asano and his Overly-Concerned Friends. Meh. 
> 
> Also, I love the headcanon that Karma is protective so anyone he _remotely_ cares about gets hurt and he’s like, imma kill whoever hurt you.


	8. And Now He’s So Devoid Of Color, He Don’t Know What It Means

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 525 hits? You’re too good to this poor soul. *sniffs*

_Tell the Principal he’s done a great job raising his dog._

What did that demon know?

_Well if it isn’t Daddy’s Boy._

It was irritating, how easily Karma could pick him apart without even knowing, getting under his skin with every word. It’s like he was born— _made—_ to destroy Gakushuu. Maybe he was. The way he could spin and weave rumors like they were stories he was telling with his silver tongue, the strength he possessed to take down opponents, the sadistic streak that laughed and licked the blood off of a knife.

It surprised him that Akabane hadn’t been arrested yet.

Gakushuu growled low in his throat, gripping the plastic chair tightly. Ren’s hand moved over, rubbing circles on his hand. Like he was a small child! He did not need this comfort! 

But his hand wouldn’t budge, only releasing his death grip on the chair. He could _feel_ Ren smiling slightly. The bastard. His hand wouldn’t move, no matter how much he wanted to push the other off, snap at him he _didn’t need help._ He was fine on his own! Nevertheless, Ren didn’t stop, and Gakushuu eventually just tried to pretend nothing was going on. 

Which was difficult, considering they were facing the _entire school._

His thoughts drifted, eyes closing as he let his mind wander. The Principal wanted him to come to the office after the assembly. That wouldn’t be good. Another bout of controlled anger pushed onto him, suffocating him. Centipedes wrapped around his throat, tightening, tightening, and never letting go. 

Ren’s hand squeezed his carefully, and his head tilted slightly in Gakushuu’s direction as the teacher at the mic blabbered on. Gakushuu realized his hands were white from gripping the chair. If he were any stronger it might have broken. His heartbeat was going a million times a minute. So that was why Ren was worried.

He groaned internally, realizing that his speech was coming up soon, and his mouth felt like sandpaper. He didn’t have stage fright, but he’d have to stand up there and talk feeling _this_ terrible. Gakushuu inhaled through his nose, his hand was _shaking,_ why couldn’t he be still? Was he going to have another panic attack? He narrowly missed the last time and oh god _that incident,_ how could his reputation and pride survive one in front of the entire school?

It was so annoying, they came at the worst of times. Why couldn’t he control this? Why was he not in control?

Slipping, he’s slipping, cracking. Suddenly everything so fast and he can’t _breathebreathebreathe._

“Whoa, whoa whoa, hey, calm down,” all he can see is a blur of colors and no, no, no, no, _everyone can see him messing up._

His legs are moving faster than his mind is at the moment because all it’s thinking is _shame shame shame everyone saw you **failure mistake imperfect.**_

He’s trying to breathe as his back slams into a wall, he’s not even sure where he is but his eyes are squeezed tight and he can’t _breathe._

 _“_ Hey, calm down, it’s alright,” a voice is speaking and _nonono he’s not alone this kid is seeing what a mistake he is and..._

They grab his hand and place it to they’re—his, hopefully—chest, which would be creepy if not for the situation. “Follow my breathing, okay?” 

He tries to hold the tears back, they don’t need to see it. “I’m sorry,” he chokes out, before he does what the person instructs and calms down.

Gakushuu doesn’t want to open his eyes, he’s pretty sure he just had a panic attack in front of the whole school. How could he not keep himself together?! He’s done it before, it should be so simple! Why is he getting emotional now?

”Gakushuu?” His eyes snapped open, finally identifying the voice as he sees Ren with probably the world record of most concerned look on his face. “Are you okay?”

”Yeah,” he mumbled.

Suddenly he’s attacked by a pair of arms around him and crushing him against Ren. What is he doing? 

“Good, god, don’t scare me like that,” Ren whispers in his hair and holds him tighter. 

Gakushuu wants to pull away. He wants to shove Ren off and glare at him for ever doing such a formidable thing. Make sure the other knows his place.

But he doesn’t move. 

His arms are the only thing moving. It’s all on their own, he can’t control as they wrap around the brunet and he presses against Ren slowly. He nearly sags in the embrace, breathing heavily as Ren rubs his shoulder.

Showing weakness like this... it feels so _safe_. He can smell Ren’s scent on the shirt, past the laundry detergent, strawberries and chocolate. Fits a playboy like him. But it’s _comforting_. 

“Gakushuu?”

”Mmh?”

”Umm...well...”

Gakushuu looks up, and Ren has a blush on his face. “Yeah?”

”I know you don’t want to hear this, but we better get back for your speech, I can see if they can cancel it...”

”Ugh,” Gakushuu replied. He slowly pulls himself out of the embrace, groaning as he rubs his temples. “I-I have to finish it,” he whispered.

Ren decided he couldn’t keep secrets anymore. “Gakushuu, can you promise not to run off?” The other gave him a weird look. “Uh, listen, we-we know what’s going on with your dad and you.”

The words hit him like someone swung a knapsack of bricks into his stomach. His eyes widened and he turned ridged. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, voice going cold.

”We’ve seen incidents happen, Gakushuu, we’re not blind. We’ve tried to tell you this but you don’t listen. You always deny it, so I won’t stop until you accept the facts. You would always look so startled when the Principal asked for you, and about to burst into tears when you came back. I can read you better than most people. You weren’t there for lunch the other day, and we looked for you...” Gakushuu suddenly inhaled, the ground suddenly got interesting. “We saw...w-when that happened. Why didn’t you tell us?”

Gakushuu insistently stared at the ground, lips frozen.

Ren ran fingers through his hair. “You’ve said before that you are a student to him. I’ve done some digging around. He’s not only abusing you, but he’s neglecting you as well. You fit the symptoms and you’ve hinted it before.”

”I suppose I could not get away with trying to not have an emotional attachment to anyone,” Gakushuu murmured. He lifted his eyes. “How many people know?”

”Just me, Araki, Seo, and Koyama. We don’t plan on telling anyone.” He wrapped and arm around Gakushuu, who welcomed the touch hesitantly. “We better get back, but I need to ask you one last thing. Answer me truthfully.”

”What?”

”Are you, cutting yourself?”

”What are you talking about?” Gakushuu rolled up his sleeves, allowing Ren to inspect. Clear. “I hope you can trust me on my word I’m not doing it anywhere else.”

”When you crashed at my place, and the blood, you sort of froze up. Later that night, your sleeve slid up,” he tried not to wince at his lie, “and I assumed.”

Gakushuu gave a small smile. “It was an accident. I had a panic attack in there, lately I have no control over myself, but I suppose it’s better than being a stone all the time. Anyway, I tried to ground myself with pain, I didn’t _want_ to go too deep, it’s not like that, I just, needed to focus on something else and...” he sighed, “it still sounds that way.”

Ren smiled. “It’s alright, I get what you’re saying.”

Gakushuu nodded. “Al...right,” he whispered.

Maybe he was cracking, but maybe this-this _friendship_ could help.

He could only hope.

* * *

 The Principal glared angrily as he watched Gakushuu walk back into the auditorium to give his speech. That boy, he was relying on others too much. Didn’t he see that they would destroy him? Their fake kindness drew him in but then they would strike.

It was sickening. That boy would not listen to him! He _knew_ what was best for Gakushuu, no one else did!

And to think, the child was already starting to doubt his teaching methods. 

Maybe he was wrong. Maybe fearing Gakuhou was the wrong way to go. Maybe he should provide the only comfort, insist that he is Gakushuu’s _father_ and...

No. That will only solve the problem at hand, not ones in the future. If he starts to let Gakushuu go soft, he’ll end up like _him._ The Principal would not allow that. He will not allow this imperfection.

He waited quietly as Gakushuu finished his speech. Not only would the boy need reteaching but... he glanced over to where Sakakibara sat, smiling encouragingly. The others joined in as they complimented him, Gakushuu trying to brush it off. They would need a few teachings as well.

Soon, the lessons will start, and imperfection will only be to those disgusting E-Class scums.

It would be something he’d look forward to.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This, this is where it all goes to hell.
> 
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> 
> I’ll probably update again this week, I’m too nice to leave you on that cliffhanger. 


	9. Because of You, I Never Stray To Far From The Sidewalk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Darkest chap wohoo. TW please stay safe.
> 
> Nagishuu is my brotp.

Gakushuu wasn’t sure which one he despised more.  
  
Akabane’s taunts or his father’s disappointment.  
  
Karma, to put it gently, teased him about it.  
  
To put it harshly? He was _tormented_ . The verbal assaults were ruthless, each one like a knife to the heart so much he could barely repeat them. That psychotic sadist’s smile would haunt him, whether the boy knew it or not. It took all his inner strength not to react.  
  
”You’re quite rude, and it’s embarrassing to hear you cuss like a sailor in front of the whole campus,” Gakushuu replied, steadying his voice so it wouldn’t crack or waver.  
  
”Don’t try to get in a fight, your highness,” Karma smirked. “An attitude like that would get you a few bruises and blood, maybe even a few broken bones and a concussion.”  
  
”Are you implying what you would do to me?” Gakushuu raised an eyebrow. “It is to... messy, for me to participate in a fight.”  
  
The redhead grinned, moving forward, Gakushuu barely flinched, keeping his composure together. “Because you’re Daddy’s perfect little boy, when you’re obviously not.”  
  
”That’s enough, Karma!” Isogai protested, “if you get into another fight this year you could likely get expelled.”  
  
Karma’s face immediately turned downward, almost pouting. He really was childish, Gakushuu chuckled.  
  
Isogai tried to give a smile to Gakushuu, but the other scowled. “We don’t know what he’s going through, there’s no need to get into a fight,” Isogai’s aura became slightly cold, Gakushuu unconsciously stepped back, “it isn’t nice to make fun of someone because of a panic attack. Those things are _serious_ , Karma.”  
  
Nakamura yawned. “Honestly, why are we defending him. E-Class is awesome, whatever, main campus kids stink, yada yada whatever.”  
  
Suddenly, someone poked him and he tried not to scream. Gakushuu looked over to see a blue-haired kid, Shiota Nagisa if he remembered correctly, with a slightly concerned look on his face. “Are you alright? I’ve had panic attacks before, they aren’t fun.”  
  
”I’m fine, Shiota. The assembly is over, you can be helpful for once and stop pestering me.” Nagisa’s eyes narrowed, tilting his head slightly.  
  
”Liar,” he muttered, before smiling and walking with his friends back to E-Class building.  
  
Gakushuu was stuck there, mouth opening and closing like a fish.

 

People could… really just see through him.

 

* * *

 

He could feel his father’s cold aura overflowing the office when he stepped in, shivers running up his spine. It was almost like he could see the centipedes crawling around from the corner of his eye.

 

“Sir, I apologize…” he started, hopefully able to simmer the worst of it. He found himself bowing at an almost ninety-degree angle. Tears were already starting but he blinked them away.

 

The Principal’s gaze made the words die in his throat. It dried immediately after. He tried to form his words, but the way the Principal was quietly judging him caused them to fail.

 

“Do you have any idea what you have cost us.” The Principal’s voice was cold. “That little _stunt_ could have brought down the entirety of our reputation.

 

“I understand, Father,” he said numbly.

 

The Principal slowly got up, Gakushuu’s eyes widened, but he made no move. Suddenly, the other got too close and he flung his hands to his face, a whimper all that could escape from his throat. “From now on, these such rules will pass. You will not speak to your so-called “friends” anything other than academic-related, you will not go anywhere without my permission, and you may certainly not pull that stunt again, less there be consequences.”

 

That translated to: _you’re grounded and stuck in your room studying with barely any rations for three days._

 

Gakushuu found his feet suddenly ungluing as he stumbled backwards towards the wall.

 

The Principal only smiled, eyeing Gakushuu carefully.

 

Suddenly, hands were around his neck and Gakushuu realized he wasn’t the only one slipping today. The air in his lungs lessened as he looked at the man’s enraged eyes. “You’re losing your cool, _Father_ , I suppose no one would enjoy walking in on this.”

 

The words didn’t do anything, and Gakushuu lost his momentary cockiness. “Please, Father, let me go!” Blackness was ebbing at his vision, and sudden pain exploded in his abdomen.

 

The Principal had… hit him. Actually hit him.

 

He deserved it, acting like such.

 

He deserved it.

 

He was worthless.

 

The words, he did not realize, were whispered from the Principal, he could not comprehend anything until he stirred, gasping for breath from a brief unconsciousness.

 

 _Father is gone now, probably sulking and shocked._ Gakushuu pulled himself up dizzily, inhaling deeply as he tried to gather control.

 

Everything was a haze as he stumbled to the Principal’s desk. He did not register the tears falling down his cheeks.

 

Control, he needed control.

 

He didn’t register anything until his senses cleared and there was blood on his arm and a sharp broken envelope opened in his hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mass upload so stuff is short, but if ya’ll lucky and I’m motivated I’ll write another.
> 
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> 
> This chapter was mostly trying to keep me from cutting again, I’ve been seven months clean but the stress from finals n dysphoria got me, so that’s why it’s really heavy and dark. I’ll get back on track next chapter. 


	10. Am I Your Child, Or Just a Charity Ward?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ughhhh a sudden writer’s block hit and I had a terrible two weeks. My parents said some stuff and it threw me in terrible dysphoria again, I could barely write anything and it was just... uwgh.

Gakushuu stared in horror at what he did. Blood was oozing out of his arm.

 

_Am I really this much of a mess?_

 

Everything felt numb except for the throbbing pain on his arm. He felt frozen as he collapsed into the Principal’s chair. He just… he just…

 

Every sense was honed in on the red liquid glittering down to the floor. He collapsed in the chair, breathing heavily.

 

He didn’t want to admit it felt nice. He could control this.

 

No. Those thoughts were frantically pushed away. This couldn’t be done again.

 

He tried to get to the nearest bathroom, but students were already in the hallways. Ugh, this wasn’t good.

 

Gakushuu turned back inside the office, immediately searching for an emergency first aid kit, or maybe just some paper towels. No luck. He discarded the opener onto the desk, running his fingers through his hair in frustration.

 

Pain coursed through his abdomen, and he lifted the shirt gently, grimacing when he saw a blue-and-purple bruise welling up. Green danced along the edges enough to make Gakushuu sick.

 

Having no other choice, he breathed carefully, opening the door and dashing to the bathroom as fast as possible.

 

He grabbed some paper towels and cleaned himself up the best he could. He tugged his jacket down fixing his clothes and striding outside.

 

The blond watched as kids scurried about the hallways, calming himself as he moved to the next class.

 

A hand suddenly gripped him, and he stifled a scream, turning gently.

 

Seo’s face met his. “Asano-kun, you were gone fifth period,” he stated.

 

“The Principal was talking and I lost track of time,” he shrugged the shoulder off.

 

Seo’s eyes narrowed. “You usually had a elaborate and believable excuse, what’s going on?”

 

Gakushuu considered stopping this absurd inevitable fight. It would be simpler to give in at this point, he was on the edge of no return, any further and he wouldn’t be able to go back.

 

Could he still continue with their friendship? No. He’d have to leave them. Was it worth it.

 

“Have you seen Ren and Teppei?” Seo wondered. “I haven’t seen them since the assembly.”

 

No, because he’s been passed out for almost an hour. Gakushuu held back the bitter thought. “No, I’ve been on the Principal’s office so I haven’t.”

 

Seo crossed his arms. “The Principal left his office thirty minutes ago because he was talking to me and Koyama. What are you not telling me?”

 

Gakushuu’s eyes widened slightly. _He just left me there! Like he couldn’t care less!_

 

Seo reached for him, but the other quickly pulled away. “I haven’t seen Ren or Araki, I’m sorry.”

 

“Asano,” Seo have a dark look, “we’ve been worried for a while.” He hesitated, gently grabbing Gakushuu’s arm, watching as the blond winced.

 

Pain flooded through his body. Gakushuu held back tears. He didn’t go that deep, it wasn’t that bad, was it?

 

Seo turned his arm, noticing droplets of blood. “Asano! Don’t you dare tell me this is what I think it is!” His anger was set off immediately, Gakushuu could practically _see_ the steam coming out of his ears.

 

He pulled Seo back into the office, closing the door and forgetting about his inner battle. He couldn’t hide this anymore.

 

“Asano…?” Seo asked carefully.

 

Gakushuu looked at him with guilt, lifting up his shirt to show Seo the bruise. “Can you all just call me Gakushuu?”

 

There was no turning back now.

 

Seo covered his mouth. “Oh god. We… we have to find the others.”

 

Gakushuu felt dizzy. “I think, I…” Seo rushed forward as everything blacked out.

 

* * *

  


White, sterile walls was what Gakushuu awoke to.

 

His head felt heavy and sounds seemed to meld together.

 

“Hey there sweetheart.” He grumbled. A hospital, of course. “Just settle down, you’ve got a concussion and blood loss, you can’t really go anywhere.”

 

Blood loss? He didn’t really… and he thought he passed out from lack of oxygen. Maybe he hit his head when he fell or something, or didn’t the Principal for him against the wall or something..? Everything was fuzzy now and it was hard remembering the past few minutes, hours? He wasn’t sure.

 

“Your father told me that you were helping set up chairs for the assembly and one fell on your head. You powered through it though, and I suppose the blood loss along with that got you. He didn’t say how you got that though.”

 

“Like every other stupid person that comes in here with the same dumb thing,” he managed bitterly.

 

“It was an accident.”

 

Gakushuu tried not to roll his eyes as he turned his head towards the Principal. “Can we get a moment alone?”

 

The nurse frowned but left. Gakushuu forced a grin. “Happy, now, Father? You like seeing me like this, right? Maybe I’ll just go jump off a bridge like your precious Ikeda. Doubt you’d care though.”

 

The Principal rose. “I can’t believe my own son would try and take a coward’s way out.”

 

Gakushuu turned his head. “Don’t call me your son again. I’m not related to a monster.” His lips turned into a snarl. “I don’t care about whatever you’re obsession is with power, it’s obnoxious and abusive. You do realize that everything you do is considered child abuse? All I wanted was a father to raise me, but what I get is a monster who keeps pushing and doesn’t know how to stop.”

 

“I’m surprised you can say that with a concussion.”

 

“This doesn’t even faze you, it’s disgusting. Your stupid student you knew for what? Three years? Not even? It bothers you so damn much but your son is just an expendable object you use to show off. Get out.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“I said get out. Whatever you were here to say I don’t want to hear it. You better not be hurting my friends, because at this point they’re the only thing that makes me happy anymore. Didn’t you remember the time I ran away when I was ten? I was about to jump in the river, at _ten years old,_ and I was so lucky that Ren was going shopping with his stepmom or else I would have been dead. How would it have affected you then I wonder? Would you just brush it off? Would you actually have cried?” He felt tears well up in his eyes. “The only reason I ever followed your orders was hope that I could see my father again, that man before Ikeda died, the one that loved me, but it won’t happen.”

 

He turned on his side. “Get out, I don’t want to see your sick face ever again. I hate you.”

 

Gakushuu felt the tears falling down his face, listening as his father’s footsteps cracked down the hall.

 

The nurse hesitantly peeped in. “Is there anyone else there?” Gakushuu asked. “Maybe five boys, my age?”

 

“T-there’s a couple, sweetheart, but not five. One said he wanted to see you first? Sakakibara Ren?”

 

“Can he come in?”

 

“Of course.”

 

Gakushuu watched as Ren walked in the room, a small smile on his face. “Hey.”

 

“Hey.”

 

Ren sat down, and Gakushuu tensed. Oh, this isn’t good.

 

The brunet slowly took his hand, the opposite that was swathed in bandages. “Seo was the one who called the hospital, but I haven’t seen the others since. I don’t know what happened.”

 

“The Principal is what happened,” Gakushuu said. Suddenly, it all weighed down on him. “Oh… oh god. Oh no…”

 

Ren immediately widened his eyes, resting a hand on his shoulder. “Hey hey, what’s going on?”

 

“He’s going to disown me, I just like, screamed at him to go away and he’s going-he’s going to get rid of me.”

 

The other’s smile grew tight. “Listen, hey, if he does, we’ll figure it out okay? You can always crash at my place, it’s going to be okay.”

 

“Asano, you fucking di—” a sudden yelp and muffled cursing greeted him.

 

Gakushuu growled. “Hello to you too, Akabane.”

 

“You shoulda told me, you damn stupid idiot. I would’ve backed off!” Akabane scowled as Shiota tried to calm him down. “First my best friend hides it from me and now my rival! This is one thing I take seriously and you’re trying to hide it?!”

 

Ren sighed. “I tried to stop them.”

 

Shiota gave a wobbly smile. “Karma basically dragged me here, he’s been pretty pissed at the Principal.”

 

Gakushuu covered his face. “Oh god. Tell me he didn’t…”

 

“Almost pick a fight and throw some choice words, yeah,” the blunette sighed. “He did the same thing to my mom.”

 

Akabane calmed down enough to breathe properly, staring at Gakushuu. “You don’t deserve that. You shoulda just told me, I’d back off and I’d help, I didn’t know.”

 

“That’s enough, what’s done is done. You can make it up later,” Gakushuu said, stifling a groan.

 

“You’re still annoying as hell. I’m trying to help me and you won’t listen.”

 

“I’ll listen when I’m not concussed and getting a pounding headache from your yabbering. I appreciate the thought, but you would have been dead if you actually picked a fight with the Principal.”

 

Akabane crossed his arms and basically pouted. _What a child,_ Gakushuu laughed. _Though I suppose I should be kinder to him._

 

“Akabane, look. A few minutes isn’t going to make up for years of hatred. I think we should just try to figure things out and not go from zero to a hundred.”

 

Akabane snorted. “It’s so beautiful, giving orders from a hospital bed. Ah, I guess you’re right.”

 

“Yes, thank you, Akabane, please give me some time to process this, and if it is a joke, say so now.”

 

Shiota elbowed him. “I think that’s our cue to leave, Karma.”

 

“No tricks, but I’ll leave you lovebirds alone.”

 

“Thank y—wait huh?”

 

There was no response, as Akabane had already left.

 

Ren turned to Gakushuu. “They ruined my moment.”

 

“What?” Gakushuu turned to him confused.

 

It was already to late, Ren had leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. The boy shot back, flustered. “Sorry,” he said suddenly, getting up and leaving.”

 

Gakushuu blinked, thoroughly confused.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to like kinda end the story here all happy ‘n stuff but then I went “ah nope.”
> 
> Edit: also I forgot to say the “five others” weren’t a mistake he kinda expected Karma to show up as well, probably to mock him or something.


	11. See I Can’t Wake Up, I’m Living A Nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry for no updates in forever Ive been having a bad time and I just really couldn’t write anything and I keep wincing on how bad I’m writing this story so like... I’ll try to get back on track.

The very first thing Karma did was bang his head against the wall. 

“Damnit,” he growled, “I’m going to beat that Principal to pulp.”

”Karma, don’t...” Nagisa tried.

He whirled around. “Don’t ‘Karma don’t’ me! Asano may be my rival and I hate his guts but I’m putting that damn thing aside. Nobody deserves to be slapped around like some ragdoll. I didn’t even make the connection that he was being emotionally abused, I just...” he sighed, looking down, “after I found out about your mom I promised not to let that happen to anyone else. Even if Asano’s a spoiled brat I can’t let that happen to him.”

Nagisa tilted his head, raising an eyebrow. “Sounds to me like you actually want to be friends with him.”

Karma blushed. “Shut up.”

The blunette laughed. “Don’t give me a cold shoulder or the class is going to think we’ve divorced.”

”We’re not even dating.”

”Exactly,” Nagisa chuckled. “But I think you should be friends with Asano. I can tell he’s struggling, and by the looks of it he doesn’t know how to handle emotional bonds that well. He needs friends.”

”I’m amazed and horrified that you can tell that,” Karma admitted.

Nagisa quieted a bit, before giving a large smile. “Don’t worry about me, I’m better now. We just have to worry about your new friend.”

”...I think we’re rubbing off on each other.”

”Possibly. I have had violent tendencies.”

”With that bloodlust of yours? Heh, now we know the real reason the world may end.”

”Karma! Don’t be mean!”

”Sorry Nagi~”

“Stop smirking all the time, it’s creepy!” 

* * *

 

Gakushuu stared up at the ceiling, processing all that had happened. 

1\. Akabane was possessed by some extremly kind spirit.

2\. He was ~~probably~~  absolutely going to be disowned.

3\. Ren had just kissed him.

_What?_

Gakushuu sighed. How wonderful. The nurse looked at him sympathetically as she changed the IV drop. “Can you do me a favor and drag Ren back here by any means necessary?” He’s probably having a heart attack, Gakushuu reasoned. Ren was good with flirting, but when it came down to the wire with his actual feelings, yeah that wasn’t easy.

His fingers tapped against the sheets impatiently.

“I’m sorry but he left the building,” the nurse replied slowly.

Gakushuu groaned quietly, staring at the ceiling. “How much longer until I’m cleared?”

”You’re going to need a twenty-four hour watch, it’s required, before you can be cleared.”

”Wonderful.”

He sat quietly, eyes drifting to the ceiling again. It wasn’t even a month and the mask he had so carefully built up was cracked and shattered. He was weak like this, so vulnerable but yet, it wasn’t someone else playing his part, it was just him.

The walls were so bland, sterile white did nothing to help a patient heal. It was boring, so utterly boring.

He held back repressed memories that brought forth, ears buzzing while remembering that _flatline_ and closing his eyes against the blood. The walls stared mockingly. _This is where everything went wrong!_ Akabane-voiced cheered. Even after Akabane had apologized it seemed trauma couldn’t be repaired completely.

Gaksuhuu lifted his hand, gazing at the heavily-wrapped gauze, there was no _color_ to it, it was so _plain_...

Clenching his fist, his eyes narrowed as a small bit of red stained the plain-ness.

Anchor... he needed an anchor. To feel _safe_ , okay. 

Suddenly, fear settled in. _He’s left you you have no where no where to go you’re pathetic and rebellious why did you leave him how dare you... You turned away the only person that’s going to sustain you, Ren won’t bother, no one is going to house you anymore._

The walls felt small, blood trickling down them faster and faster, he could barely _breathe,_ his mind deciding to play dirty tricks on him. _First the voices, now this?_

He shut his eyes tightly, trying to block out the illusion. Would he now grow multiple personalities as well?

Gakushuu must have panicked, he could hear the muddle of voices over a accelerating heart rate.

“Asano-san, please calm down,” the nurse said, the doctors held him down, trying to keep him calm. He couldn’t do this, he couldn’t stay here knowing what had just happened with his father, he had to go, bow the lowested he ever had in his life, knees if he must, and beg forgiveness. His dignity was scrapped, he did not care but he couldn’t be left to stay in some child care!

Cold shot through his arms, ice in his veins, and suddenly he felt a little woozy, in the best terms to describe it. The red line on the monitor slowed down, going back to a calming beat, the strawberry blond-haired boy relaxing after he struggled.

The nurse muttered something but he could barely hear before he was under.

* * *

Ren covered his mouth as he felt tears growing in his eyes. How _dare_ he do that, just dump his feelings on Gakushuu when the poor boy was already going through enough trauma.

Gakushuu needed to be stable before he could even _think_ about feelings. It wasn’t fair to him. Ren couldn’t just do that to him.

His phone rang, piercing the uncomfortable silence. It was Seo.

_”Hey.”_

”Hey.”

_”Is Asano-kun, er, Gakushuu-kun alright?”_

“Yeah, he’s okay. Sorta.”

_”Good. Are you okay?”_

”Sorta.”

_”What happened?”_

”Well... Gakushuu kinda yelled at his dad and then Akabane came in and apologized and then I sorta... kissed him.”

” _Ren.”_

”Yeah?”

” _You just fucked up real bad.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You really did.


	12. Lay Down a List of What is Wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry for these lengths between updates. I promise I’ll try to update more often. I’m sorry for the incredibly short chapter but I promise to try and continue with my weekly update schedule. Thank you for your patience.

To say Gakuhou was irritated was putting it lightly.

 

He was thoroughly about to explode.

 

One of the very first thing Gakuhou had instilled in Gakushuu after he could talk was manners. They had been simple ones at the time, but developed as he grew older. 

 

The nerve that child had, speaking out against him  _ multiple times  _ with no filter! 

 

Gakuhou contemplated just getting rid of the boy. He could wipe himself clean of Gakushuu, surely someone else would love do deal with that hassle? But what would that look like on the school? The Principal disowning his star student and son? That would not work.

 

He must be careful about this, if there was even a hint of suspicion he surely would falter.

 

At last, the great Gakuhou Asano was stumped. The very idea of losing his status would be unimaginable. 

 

Perhaps let the child be? Maybe as if nothing happened? No. Somehow he had to reign Gakushuu back in, the boy could  _ not  _ stray. A few days of weak kindness could make him consider. Gakushuu was already slipping as it was, take a few more days and it might be permanent. Alas, he had no other choice.

 

He was going to have to use his former teaching methods for this.

 

* * *

  
  


Gakushuu was about downright terrified.

 

He had put the Ren issue aside, it was not too big of a deal and could be sorted out quickly. The bigger problem, his father. Surely, the man would realize how dangerous disowning Gakushuu would be, and not consider that? Maybe he will act as if nothing happened, Gakushuu couldn’t do the same. The Principal will probably avoid him as much as possible, give him more activities to attend and lessons to learn. Why, he’d be set for all senior high, maybe college at this rate. Maybe that was okay.

 

Gakushuu knew his mind was twisted, that the Principal was manipulating him, but he was right, and Gakushuu was wrong, something he’d tried to break but could not. It was a sick thought but he could not leave his father’s side. It was too difficult. There was always a shard of hope that the Principal loved him, saw him as a son and not just a student.

 

But he wasn’t so sure anymore.

 

* * *

 

Seo growled, banging his fists on the table. His parents weren’t home at the moment, which was actually nice because he just about trashed the house.

He _hated_ feeling helpless, he liked being in power and couldn’t stand this, this insufferable problem that he couldn’t just fix! At first he was reluctant to help, but it worsened over time. No matter how many times Gakushuu denied it, they were _friends_ goddamnit! He wasn’t going to sit aside and watch Gakushuu kill himself over this. He wasn’t sure what to do, or what the others were even thinking, but there was something he had to do. He just didn’t know what.


	13. Underestimated, Look I’m Still Around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I deeply apologize to everyone. I’m loosing a lot of inspiration for my writing and thus just don’t have the motivation anymore. I’ll try to work in more updates but it’s getting hard. 
> 
> Also I have no idea how hospitals work with this sort of stuff, or how Japan works in general, so... it’s my story and I’m writing it.

Hospitals were bland.

It had been a good five hours, and Gakushuu had already been bored to death. Nurses filtered in and out of the room, checking his I.V., or asking him nosy questions. He was just about to scream at the next person who came in.

He almost did.

A young lady shuffled in, and Gakushuu, who had been propped up at this point, looked at her. 

“I bet you’re pretty annoyed at everyone here,” she said, and Gakushuu easily caught a French accent in her fluent Japanese. Yes, he was that bored that he was trying to figure out where everyone was from.

”Somewhat,” he agreed. “It’s only five of the twenty-four hour watch they’ve put me on, and they’ve yet to realize I’m sadly not from another planet and do feel the emotion of “bored”.” She laughed, and a small smile caught Gakushuu’s lips. “As you do not have a doctor or nurse I.D. on you I suppose you’re a therapist?” She rose an eyebrow.

”You are observant. Yes, usually I’m requested around here for cases and such.” Her cheerfulness feel. “The son of Kunugigaoka’s principal, I’m not surprised. I’m not obliged to say names, but I have had many students from there.”

”Not the best principal,” Gakushuu sighed, “not the best father either.” He gritted his teeth.

The lady nodded. “He used to be a good man, I was told.”

”Used to,” Gakushuu echoed. “I always believed he had issues before, something must have been going on. I suppose it was when my mother walked out on us. She left barely months after I was born and he had to take care of me. When I was about five or six was when he snapped. It would be on and off though. Until I was ten I tried to pretend he wasn’t my father, that the Principal was just some man who took over his life, but that was foolish.”

For four years he always tried to keep his father on the good side, The Principal was not to be crossed, less the consequences ensure. Father was busy, don’t bother him or he’ll turn into the Principal.

Father was somewhat nice, the Principal was not. But soon enough it grew worse, until only the Principal remained.

Gakushuu bit his lip quickly, tensing as the lady didn’t make a disgusted expression, or any expression at all. She leaned back in her chair. “They’re going to arrest him, aren’t they?” He nearly whispered.

”Almost certainly,” she answered truthfully. “If you have enough proof he might be spending a sentence.”

Gakushuu nodded. There was some persistent fear that he would be found by his father, abused and neglected all over again. He fisted the sheets tightly, breathing carefully. 

 _Going to cry?_ He sneered internally. He blinked away the tears quickly.

The lady asked a few questions, Gakushuu realized he didn’t have to answer some if he didn’t want to, and some of the more personal questions he opted to keep his mouth shut. The therapist didn’t nosy in on ones he didn’t want to answer, and he respected her because of that.

”Would there be any other reason your father chose to abuse you?” She asked.

Gakushuu relaxed. “I honestly don’t think he’d care if I was gay or something, he supports it in his own odd ways. The only thing he wouldn’t like is if I started dating someone. Says it “wastes time.” So like, he doesn’t use slurs and curse at all. I guess that’s better than most people. He does use degrading sentences though, I’d rather not repeat them.”

“That’s somewhat good to know.”

”Yeah. He’s just got a “it’s okay to have feelings, but don’t act on them rule, regardless of gender.” It’s not that bad, I’m not really intrested in seeing people yet.” He pushed down the lump in his throat, and the mental image of Ren leaning in and... no don’t think about that. 

He was surprised on how loose his tongue could get now that he was at ease and probably high on morphine or something.

Gakushuu rubbed his hands and the lady smiled. “I suppose I’ll leave you to rest,” she said, gathering her things and getting up to leave.

He turned away from the door, staring out the window and staring at anything he could. He was...tired. It was an unusual feeling, one that was always pushed aside. He liked being able to relax and just get some sleep. It was nice.

Gakushuu slowly drifted off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s rlly short but I needed a part to show its getting better, aye? At least for now.


	14. (A/N)

Uh, so, sorry this isn’t an update, I really wanted to apologize to you guys about this lengthy spacing between updates. To tell you the truth, I’ve lost a lot of intrest in this story. It’s just not fun for me to write. As I guess as most of you guys know as fellow authors, if the writer isn’t writing for fun and rather for the audience’s demand, it gets really hard to write. I’ve been trying to write for you guys but it hasn’t been going well.

So, am I going to discontinue this fic? Maybe. But first I want to ask if someone could help with a plot/co-write/help continue the story in any way I’d appreciate it. I hate giving up on fics and I really don’t want to, especially since this fic is popular and I don’t want to let you all down.

If anyone is interested please let me know, or you can just leave some plot ideas in the comment section. Thank you so much!

~Quarter


	15. Hi Again

Sorry for the radio silence for so long. I’m just recovery from a surgery and trying to work on a bunch of stuff, but yeah...

So, about the story...

I’ll be straightforward with it, I was thinking of rewriting this, I found a lot of things dissatisfying about it, or things that were hard to continue. Though, before I say anything else, I’ll leave it up to you guys. If you’re happy with the story I’ll try to continue, or if you want/would appreciate a rewrite I’ll get on it quick.

Things I plan for it the rewrite are:

-Dedicate myself to writing it more, I’ll do it for this story too, but I feel out of my system of updating once a week, which I’ll pick back up.

-Less romance, since it didn’t quite flow with the story well (but still plenty of platonic Gakuren don’t worry)

-More of the other Virtusos’ POVs

-Less long-winded. I’m not making this a short story but I want the chapters to be more clear and planned.

-Following canon more.

-And generally a few improvements with the story.

I know a lot of you might be upset without a Gakuren/purely friendship story, and I know you guys like this story (which makes me feel really bad to rewrite it) so I’ll leave it up to your choice. The sooner I get answers, the sooner I’ll get to work, so please let me know your thoughts!


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